I had one of those "I'm a horrible mother" moments the other day. In hindsight, it was for the best, but at the moment, I felt terrible. For those of you who don't know him, Carter is one of the most loving kids I've ever met. He has a huge imagination and a sense of humor way beyond his years. Oh yeah, and Carter LOVES Superman. And I'm not using the term "love" lightly. He has watched ALL of the movies so many times he can quote them. Seriously anyone who has ever seen Superman 3 even once can probably feel my pain. But that aside, about a month ago, he started insisting I call him Superman. I thought, ok, it's a phase, he'll grow out of it. I tried playing up the "Carter is way cooler than superman" angle, but he wasn't buying. He started telling me he didn't want to be Carter anymore. If that's not a painful thing for a mother to hear, I don't know what is.
Then, the other night we were having Lima beans with dinner and he called them power beans and started eating them like candy. Not an entirely bad thing...However, after dinner he said "now I'm so strong I can lift a car" (a scene from the first superman movie, of course). I told him he could pretend to lift a car, or he could lift one of his toy cars, but he could not lift an actual car for real. He (somewhat) politely disagreed.
The next day, he started in again. This time he started saying "if only I could fly..." yikes. I finally asked him, "but why would you want to be Superman? Carter has a family that loves him and Superman is all by himself, that sounds pretty lonely to me; no parents, no friends..." to which he replied "I don't need any parents. I just want to be Superman. I am NOT Carter anymore." Here comes the part where I lose it. I told him he wasn't Superman, he can't fly, he can't lift cars and what's more; SUPERMAN ISN'T EVEN REAL." That was when the flood of tears started. I think he cried for at least a half hour straight. I told him I loved that he was using his imagination; he's so creative and so smart, but I was so worried that he would eventually believe these things he was saying so much that he would try something and wind up getting hurt. I might as well have told him that there was no Santa, Easter Bunny, or Tooth Fairy all at once.
In the end, we came to a compromise that he could play a game where he pretended to be Superman, but I still got to call him Carter. And I kept reinforcing the idea that the things that Superman does in the movies are not real and he would get hurt if he tried. That was a couple days ago and so far things have gone ok. I don't think we'll be watching any more Superman movies anytime soon though...
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There are some white boxes with "x's" in them so perhaps some pictures did not come through. My thoughts: print this out so when carter asks, "did I have an imagination?" you can share it with him. I promise some of these events in his life you will forget, or forget at what age they happened.
Maybe something that can be done to help him see than when real people are in movies, they are pretending. Show him a movie with someone playing a super hero, and it could even be Superman. Then show him a movie with that same Actor playing someone else in a different film. Then you discuss how he cannot be Superman one time and someone else another time.
Imagination is a fragile thing and it is a fine line to keep it strong, and yet keep it real.
Yes, Carter is the sweetest little boy on earth....love his Grandma
Aw... that's so tough, on both your sides. I could tell it was working on your nerves the other day when we were hanging out -- and you're NOT a horrible mother, just one who dearly loves her son and wants him to build a solid self-esteem based on who he is! I liked the other person's comment about helping him understand that what's in movies isn't real... since I know you guys have a video camera, why not make a movie called "Carter" that shows all the super things he can do? And/or take some footage, have him help you do a little video editing (a car here, a cape there...) so that he can see how it's done? I know your hubby does all that fancy-schmancy stuff. :o) Parenting can't be easy... that's why I just teach this stuff and don't do it myself. :oP
-Jess
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